Many times, over many years have I heard people say things like “I wish I knew what my purpose was”  or “I don’t think I’m living my life on purpose and time is running out” and indeed I’ve said them myself.

It seems that the thought that I must have a purpose and its related cousins cause many people a lot of stress and anxiety.  Imagine that you had this thought?   How would it feel if you thought you were not living your life on purpose right now?

There are lots of well meaning books  with enticing titles promising to help you discover your purpose and of course they just add to your stress and sense of  failure  if you read them and still don’t think you have found your purpose.

This thought also presupposes that everything you have done in your life up to now is “off purpose” and somehow therefore a waste of time.  How helpful is that thought?

Recently I have been reading and experimenting with the “The Work”, and approach to examining our stressful thoughts developed by author and speaker Byron Katie.   I have to admit by being entranced by her approach because it is both simple and powerful.

Today, whilst reading In her book “Loving What Is” I came across a little example of how her process can be used to address the very question of purpose.     Here is a summary:

Initial Thought – “My life should have a purpose”

Inquiry process:

1. Q – Is it this thought true?      A- “Yes”
2. Q -  Can I absolutely know that it’s true? – A -  “N0, not absolutely”
3. Q – How do I react when I think the thought?  A – “I feel fear because I don’t know what my purpose is, I feel as if I’m wasting my life, I think that what I do is unimportant and that I need to do something big” “I feel internal pressure to complete my purpose before I die” I feel a sense of stupidity and failure which leaves me depressed.”
   
4. Q – Do I see a reason to drop this story?  A – “yes – its very painful to live this way, I become jealous of other people because I think they have found their purpose and I may even imitate them and try to take on their purpose as my own.”
   
5. Q – Can I find one stress free reason to keep this story? - A - “No
   
6. Q – Who would I be without the belief that my life should have a purpose?  A - “I Don’t know.  I’d certainly be more peaceful without it and less crazed. Without the fear and stress caused by this thought maybe I’d be freed and energized to be happy just doing the thing in front of me.”
   
7. Now turn that thought around. A – My life should not have a purpose. That would mean that what I’ve lived has always been enough, and I just haven’t recognised it.  Maybe my life shouldn’t have a purpose other than what it is. That feels odd, yet it somehow rings truer.  Could it be that my life, as it is already lived, is the purpose.  That seems a lot less stressful.”
   

This quote comes from the work of Byron Katie, an amazing American teacher and author whose work I recently discovered via a friend during My Christmas trip to Spain.   The key idea behind her work is that ALL the suffering, stress and unpleasant feelings we experience are a result of our identification with our thoughts.

When what we are thinking is at odds with what is actually happening (reality) and we believe that thinking , we have a civil warn inside our heads and the result is pain!   So for instance if  I am thinking “I shouldn’t be this fat!” and (in this moment) I am this fat, there is an obvious conflict between my thinking and reality.

Thankfully Katie doesn’t just identify the problem, she teaches a very simple yet immensely powerful solution based around a process of inquiry where you “test” the thoughts that are causing you discomfort or stress using four simple questions.

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
3. Describe how you react, what happens, what you think, believe or feel when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without that stressful thought?

For me the wonderful thing about this process is that Katie doesn’t ask us to try and stop thinking those thoughts just to inquire into them.  Our thoughts are just theories that arise from our mind to help us make sense of what is happening.

We cannot stop ourselves having thoughts but we can investigate the ones that are causing us problems.

For more information on Byron Katie click here

Diving into the river of life

Hi again

As this is my last post of 2009 I’d like to share an idea I picked up which has been having a big impact only life recently.  I got it from an amazing friend and Sufi teacher called Shanaz who lives in Andalusia.   My wife and I were visiting Shanaz and his wife Jennifer at their home in the idyllic spot in the Sierra Las Villas and talking about all things spiritual as we tend to do.

Shanaz suggested that life is like a river, and when you think about that river you know that the water flows fastest in the middle of the stream.

Most of us are looking to achieve success happiness and  abundance  more quickly but we are just dipping our toes in the water or dabbling in the shallows where progress is slow.   To really make the most of life we must cast our fears aside and dive in to the centre of the stream and allow life to carry us to our destination.

May you dive into the amazing adventure that is life and I hope we bump into each other downstream somewhere.

Namaste