Today I happened to discover a link to a video news cip about a cafe in St Paul Minnesota where the owner and his wife are taking that message to heart and doing their bit to create a more kind and generous society.

Its called the Q Kindness Cafe and owner Lisa Cotter Metwaly and her husband’s  mission is to make Minnesota a friendlier, kinder place by encouraging people to commit random acts of kindness and to pay them forwards. Watch the video clip and you will see what I mean. (p.s. apologies for the short commercial break before the main show -it’s the way the TV company release it I’m afraid.)

The Q Kindness Cafe Video

Have you come across any other inspiring examples of Gandhi’s challenge in action – if so tell us about it here!

The benefits of my little wonderings are many and varied.

• I feel energised
• I am more creative
• I enjoy marvelling at the plants and trees and little birds (especially the Robin that sang for me this morning)
• I feel much more at peace with myself

I’m not saying that you should follow my lead.  Just notice how you feel next time you happen to go for a walk.  What happens to you when you surrender yourself to the moment and just notice whatever surrounds you regardless of whether it is nature or the hustle and bustle of a big city.   See the people around you and feel glad to be alive.

It seems that the thought that I must have a purpose and its related cousins cause many people a lot of stress and anxiety.  Imagine that you had this thought?   How would it feel if you thought you were not living your life on purpose right now?

There are lots of well meaning books  with enticing titles promising to help you discover your purpose and of course they just add to your stress and sense of  failure  if you read them and still don’t think you have found your purpose.

This thought also presupposes that everything you have done in your life up to now is “off purpose” and somehow therefore a waste of time.  How helpful is that thought?

Recently I have been reading and experimenting with the “The Work”, and approach to examining our stressful thoughts developed by author and speaker Byron Katie.   I have to admit by being entranced by her approach because it is both simple and powerful.

Today, whilst reading In her book “Loving What Is” I came across a little example of how her process can be used to address the very question of purpose.     Here is a summary:

Initial Thought – “My life should have a purpose”

Inquiry process:

1. Q – Is it this thought true?      A- “Yes”
2. Q -  Can I absolutely know that it’s true? – A -  “N0, not absolutely”
3. Q – How do I react when I think the thought?  A – “I feel fear because I don’t know what my purpose is, I feel as if I’m wasting my life, I think that what I do is unimportant and that I need to do something big” “I feel internal pressure to complete my purpose before I die” I feel a sense of stupidity and failure which leaves me depressed.”
   
4. Q – Do I see a reason to drop this story?  A – “yes – its very painful to live this way, I become jealous of other people because I think they have found their purpose and I may even imitate them and try to take on their purpose as my own.”
   
5. Q – Can I find one stress free reason to keep this story? - A - “No
   
6. Q – Who would I be without the belief that my life should have a purpose?  A - “I Don’t know.  I’d certainly be more peaceful without it and less crazed. Without the fear and stress caused by this thought maybe I’d be freed and energized to be happy just doing the thing in front of me.”
   
7. Now turn that thought around. A – My life should not have a purpose. That would mean that what I’ve lived has always been enough, and I just haven’t recognised it.  Maybe my life shouldn’t have a purpose other than what it is. That feels odd, yet it somehow rings truer.  Could it be that my life, as it is already lived, is the purpose.  That seems a lot less stressful.”
   

When what we are thinking is at odds with what is actually happening (reality) and we believe that thinking , we have a civil warn inside our heads and the result is pain!   So for instance if  I am thinking “I shouldn’t be this fat!” and (in this moment) I am this fat, there is an obvious conflict between my thinking and reality.

Thankfully Katie doesn’t just identify the problem, she teaches a very simple yet immensely powerful solution based around a process of inquiry where you “test” the thoughts that are causing you discomfort or stress using four simple questions.

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
3. Describe how you react, what happens, what you think, believe or feel when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without that stressful thought?

For me the wonderful thing about this process is that Katie doesn’t ask us to try and stop thinking those thoughts just to inquire into them.  Our thoughts are just theories that arise from our mind to help us make sense of what is happening.

We cannot stop ourselves having thoughts but we can investigate the ones that are causing us problems.

For more information on Byron Katie click here

Diving into the river of life

Hi again

As this is my last post of 2009 I’d like to share an idea I picked up which has been having a big impact only life recently.  I got it from an amazing friend and Sufi teacher called Shanaz who lives in Andalusia.   My wife and I were visiting Shanaz and his wife Jennifer at their home in the idyllic spot in the Sierra Las Villas and talking about all things spiritual as we tend to do.

Shanaz suggested that life is like a river, and when you think about that river you know that the water flows fastest in the middle of the stream.

Most of us are looking to achieve success happiness and  abundance  more quickly but we are just dipping our toes in the water or dabbling in the shallows where progress is slow.   To really make the most of life we must cast our fears aside and dive in to the centre of the stream and allow life to carry us to our destination.

May you dive into the amazing adventure that is life and I hope we bump into each other downstream somewhere.

Namaste

But how do you they and you respond?
I’m a Scot and our stereotypical response is “Not bad thanks”
Another friend of me replied “I’m fine” whilst yet another said “Not so good, its been a terrible week!”

What’s become obvious to me recently is that I and my friends seem to be confusing how “We” are with our external situation. We are linking our own internal state to what’s been happening around us. Seems a natural enough thing to do on the face of it but isn’t there a danger in it.

This kind of stinking thinking is really a case of mistaken identity, we are mistaking our own internal identity with the labels we give to our behaviours and external results and this in turn condemns us to always be at the mercy of our circumstances.

Imagine if you could break this link so that externally you could be having a difficult, bad or even c**p day and still be amazing internally!

How would that change the kind of results you get in your life?

So next time you ask me how I am I will reply “I am amazing!” regardless of what life is throwing at me.

Namaste

His message is all about living in the now through the principle of mindfulness and the book I am reading called “Peace is every step”. Whilst all the articles I have read so far have resonated deeply. One right at the beginning seems to hold the key to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

It’s so simple you might be tempted to dismiss it but don’t – just try it out for yourself and see what you think.

Breath in and say to yourself “Breathing in I calm my body”
Breath out and say to yourself “Breathing out, I smile”
Breath in and say to yourself “Dwelling in this present moment”
Breath out and say to yourself “I know this is a wonderful moment!”

Now if you are currently living an abundant life you probably won’t mind hearing these words but, if you are experiencing less than perfect times right now you are probably starting to dislike me intensely.   How dare I suggest that your circumstances are all down to the way you think!   “It’s not me its the economy!”, is a particularly common excuse at this time in the current economic life cycle.  But it’s still an excuse.

This blog is specifically aimed at people who have had enough of excuses and are finally prepared to take ownership of their life and do something about it.   If that’s you – then I look forward to an ongoing relationship with you via the pages of this blog.

If it’s not you then that’s fine too.  I won’t take it personally and you don’t ever have to come back to this blog again (or perhaps only until you get to the point where you realise that continuing to blame everyone and everything else wont help you get unstuck!)

Of course changing your thinking is simple to say but not so easy to do.  You have probably become entrenched in  negative ways of thinking that have become a habit and It’ll take a little time and effort to change.   Relax, you don;t have to do it all at once and we are here to support you along the way.    You can respond to our posts, ask questions and share your own insights via this blog .  it’s really easy and you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping others as well as helping yourself.

In closing this first post, I’d like to challenge you to start to notice your thinking , especially the thoughts that are negative and will, if unchecked, result in you attracting all the things you don’t want into your life.

When you notice such a thought, “There’s no point in me doing this, it’s all a waste of time” for instance, just say to yourself – “Delete that!”  and Imagine pushing the delete key on a computer or mobile phone.

There’s lots more techniques to come so be sure to bookmark this page or subscribe to it via RSS so that you get all the updates automatically!

It’s a great time to be a alive.